ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
