we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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