I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
