Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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