I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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