I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Less talking, more tequila
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
