youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
