Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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