Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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