dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
