i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
