I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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