my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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