The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
