By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize