Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
