why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
