ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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