Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
