drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
