your parents love me but you hate me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize