Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
