paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
