Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
