He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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