I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
