it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When did angry sex become our thing?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
