I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
