Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
