just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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