Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
