Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
