god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
