That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
