How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
