Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Green mimosas i think yes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
