According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
