What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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