I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
