i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize