I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
