Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
