There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize