i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
