I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
