That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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