it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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