my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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