hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
