Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
