No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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