Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
