we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
