I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize