And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
where am i from again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
