Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
