I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
