I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
