Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
