I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
