Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
