whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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