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Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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