saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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