Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
