Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
