i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
