no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
