where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
