...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
