I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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