on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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