Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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