Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
