My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
